Apart from academic essays and frequent hilarious emails I have never actually written anything. Despite this fact I have always haughtily maintained that if I were to write something, it would be full of pithy jibes and acerbic observations. My prose would be so sparkling that had I lived in earlier times I would have been welcomed at the Algonquin round table and might have had license to describe my occupation as “wit.” What’s more, this lyrical stream would flow forth effortless, like a stream of piss after 10 pints.
Perhaps not the best start to compare one’s writing to urine but as it turns out, it’s actually shitting hard to write something, especially to an audience of people whom you don’t know and could possibly only be reading your blog while they wait for masturbation fodder to stream (nothing worse than spasmodic porn eh fellas?) You also have to question whether or not people actually want to read anything you have to say and whether or not you even have anything to say.
So after taking at least an hour to write two paragraphs I have officially been humbled. This blog probably won’t offer any insightful social commentary, it probably won’t even be remotely funny but here it is.
This blog will be the place where I go to vent about the power-crazed woman in the train station, describe a particularly charming pooch, offer the odd recipe, show off my shiny magpie trinkets and generally bring my curmudgeonry to a wider domain.
Welcome to my blog. Be gentle.